


Something Else

by Yoite



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Book Sex, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Dirty Talk, Dubious Consent, Intense Research Session, Monrosanick, Multi, Nick's Magic Stick, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:27:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6856924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoite/pseuds/Yoite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What DOES Nick's mysterious stick actually do? I gave up waiting for the show writers to enlighten us, so this is my humble suggestion. A Monrosanick dialogue fic set right where episode 516 ends (Monrosanick are studying the writing on the cloth).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Else

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Randomsmeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomsmeg/gifts).



> This is a bit of an experiment as I've tried to write a three-way dialogue-only fic, which was a challenge. Hope it all makes sense and is not too confusing! 
> 
> Mildly dubious consent, and very silly and cracktacular overall. Just for fun!
> 
> For wolfmetal, who inspired me to write a dialogue fic and gave me some ideas for this story <3.

“So.. a dangerous miracle? A miraculous danger? What fresh hell is that supposed to be?”

“Rosalee, anything else in the dictionaries at all?”

“I don’t think we need any more synonyms for ‘dangerous’, Nick.”

“How about ‘miraculum’?”

“Let’s see.. amazement, freak, wond-“

“Hang on, freak.. as in, ‘weird dude’? Or, you know, ‘dudette’? Maybe it’s some kind of warning, like, ‘whoever this stick belongs to is a dangerous freak’?”

“Er..”

“Well, it _did_ belong to a Grimm after all..”

“Very funny, Monroe.”

“Hey, just brainstorming here man, I mean, isn’t it weird how they only managed to write two words on the cloth? What happened, did they run out of ink, or what? If they really wanted to warn people, shouldn’t they have been _a little_ more specific, maybe?”

“Wait, what if it’s an anagram or riddle of some kind? With what you guys told me about that church vault..”

“Yeah, I don’t think either of us can ever un-remember that.”

“Stop joking Monroe, I still can’t believe I almost lost you..”

“.. aw .. honey..”

“.. mmh.. “

“Yeah, yeah, get a room, you two. Let’s just start noting down everything we know, then we can see if we missed something, or..”

“Technically, this _is_ our room, Nick. Well, one of them at least..”

“.. so, we know that the artifact has some sort of healing power, but -"

“Wait a second -.. Rosalee, was that the doorbell?”

“Oh, shoot! I completely forgot about the Dreieckswurzel delivery!”

“Really? This late?”

“Remember how I told you it spoils in daylight? I’ll be right back, why don’t you two just start and..”

“Sure, honey.”

“.. pf..”

“ .. “

“ .. “

“Say, Nick..”

“Hum?”

“.. is it just me, or have you been acting a little grouchy lately whenever I’m affectionate with Rosalee?”

“It’s just you.”

“Oh, okay.”

“ .. “

“So.. how are things going with Adalind, then?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Or you don’t _know_?”

“Look, she’s just been distant with me lately and I have no idea what I’ve done.”

“Dude, maybe she’s just waiting for you to say that you love her back? Women need to hear that kind of thing, you know?”

“But what if I don’t feel that way?”

“Don’t you?”

“I don’t know! Maybe when I slept with her, I was just..”

“.. horny?”

“No! That’s not -"

“Hey, no judging here.”

“Still..“

“Speaking of ‘no judging’, were you just staring at Rosalee’s butt as she was walking upstairs?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Well, I don’t blame you, it’s a nice butt.”

“Monroe, I did _not_ stare at you wife’s butt!”

“Mh.“

“No, don’t give me that eyebrow!”

“Look, man, you know I don’t mind, I told you -"

“Yeah, whatever, I don’t need to hear any more details about your open marriage arrangement, just because I _accidentally_ touched you _there_ when we switched off the torches in the vault -"

“Ha! I _knew_ it was your arm! Why did you pretend like -"

“What was Nick’s arm?”

“ !! “

“Uhhh..”

“No, no, Rosalee, I was just saying, the only thing we know for sure is that the artifact healed _Monroe’s arm_.”

“Yes, that’s what it looked like..”

“But it didn’t do anything to me or Hank when we were handling it, right? I wonder if it only affects wesen..”

“Hm..”

“.. in which case, I wonder what effect it would have on a wesen who’s healthy.”

“Hm..“

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

“..?”

 “No, Monroe, I didn’t mean to say..”

“Come on, Nick, you were _thinking_ about it. Or you wouldn’t have brought your stick over tonight.”

“Can we please stop referring to it as ‘my stick’?”

“If you didn’t want us to try you should’ve left it in _your tunnel_?”

“Can we please _stop_ -"

“Wait a second, wait a second, guys, Monroe, are you suggesting what I _think_ you’re suggesting?”

“Well, are you not thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Are you _crazy_?”

“How long have you been married to me?”

“There’s no way you’re touching Nick’s stick!”

“Can we _please_ -"

“But just _think_ about it, Rosalee! If it were _bad_ for us then those Grimm knights would sure as hell not have _buried_ it. They would have _replicated_ it, if anything. Pulverized it and stuffed it into arrows and whatnot. People weren’t so big on peaceful human wesen coexistence back then.”

“I’m not even dicussing it with you!”

“She’s right, Monroe, I don’t want you to put yourself in danger -”

“Oh, really, Nick? Because you kind of suck at not putting me in danger, like, on a weekly basis.”

“Uh, well..”

“Come on, guys, we _need_ to find out what the stick does. You _know_ we do. Before someone else does. And, anyway, it probably won’t do anything at all. And if it does, Rosalee can always brew her potion of the week to fix me, right?”

“Honey..“

“And if I turn into some kind of super-bad I’m sure Nick can still knock me out with his grimmflexes.”

“Monroe, I wouldn’t..“

“.. fine.”

“Yeah?!”

“I don’t even know why I’m agreeing to this.”

“Because you’re just as curious as me, honey, and that’s why I love you! C’mon Nick, get it out!”

“Alright.”

“So.. how shall we do it? Shall I just wrap my hand around it.. like that?”

“Okay, do it.”

“Careful!”

“Well..? How do you feel? Anything?”

“Nope. Oh, well, at least we tried, right? I guess we’ll just have to hit the books some mo-ooh..”

“What?”

“Oh God- Take it away. Put it away. Heh.”

“What?!”

“Darling, are you alright?”

“Yeah. Sure. Hunky-dory. No effect whatsoever. So! Oh, Lordy, it’s late, let’s postpone, I’m sure Nick needs to go home and -"

“Fine, if you’re not telling me what’s up I’ll just have to see for myself!”

“No, Rosalee, don’t -"

 “ !! “

“.. ooh..”

“Yeah.. right?”

“Wow, this is..”

“Okay, can someone please enlighten me what the fuck’s going on? Monroe? Rosalee?!”

“Nick, you _need_ to go home now, Rosalee, don’t you agree that -"

“ - he smells delicious.. hmm..”

“..oh God, yes.. yes, you’re right.. you’re _so right_..”

“Uh, guys? Why -.. why are you both staring at me like that? What’s with the eyes?”

“.. so delicious.. I’m sorry.. I can’t..”

“Wha-? What the _fuck_! Don’t come any closer! Either of you! Don’t - You know, you’re right, I really should go ho- oh, shit!"

“You’re not going anywhere now, Nick.”

“Wai-nngmhh!!”

“ .. ”

“Damn, you taste even sweeter than you smell.”

“M’roe?! Did y’just _kiss_ me?!?”

“Nick.. I’ve been waiting to taste your tongue for so long..”

“Hnghmh.. mh.. mmh- wait, R’slee? T’hell are you - Hey! That was my new shirt!”

“I want a taste too..”

“Uh, heh.. ooh.. wait, that’s low enough.. what are you -”

“Isn’t it what you’ve always wanted, Nick? To be included.. the amount of times you’ve been cockblocking me and Rosalee.. just admit it..”

“No! _Stop_ -”

“You’ve always had the hots for my wife.. I could tell.. we can smell these things..”

“No, _don’t_ – ah!”

“Oh, she’s good, isn’t she? You love her pretty mouth on your cock, don’t you?”

“.. ghn..”

“You love me kissing your lips while she’s doing that..”

“.. M’roe.. hn..”

“God, Nick.. you’re so fucking beautiful when you’re blushing.. I want to lick your face..”

“.. haa..”

“So good.. I can’t take it.. I need.. c’mon, Rosalee.. over here..”

“.. yes, honey, flip him over the table.. that’s so fucking hot.. take him..”

“Wait! Wait! The books! The b-mpffff”

“Fuck the books! I’m gonna watch you drool all over the fucking books when I’m inside you..”

“MPFNNGHNN”

“Rosalee, get under the table.. suck his cock.. make him come in your mouth..”

“No _WAIT_ , I’ve never- fuck-"

“Prepare him, honey.. lick him.. tastes so good..”

“Hell yes.. let me just woge.. like this..”

“NGAH!!”

~~~~~~~~~ 10 minutes later ~~~~~~~~~

“Well. I think it’s safe to say we have now established that the stick sort of raises aggression levels in wesenkind? Enhances our predatory nature?”

“Hm. And because we _like_ Nick, I suppose the aggression turned into.. something else?”

“... hn.. that was _definitely_.. something else..”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :D - please leave a comment.


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